Name: Doomer #20
Date: Tue Apr 04 18:57:23 1989

First of all, Fe, your post really didn't say anything that was pertinent to 
what -I- posted.  Or if it did, you didn't explain it very well, anyway.  

And, I thought about it, and if I was POSITIVE I was going to Heaven and I'd 
be oh so happy for eternity, what's a few hours of excruciating pain?! Hell, 
who CARES? Its less than a day of pain to be happy FOREVER.  Who wouldn't?


Name: Snappy #98
Date: Wed Apr 05 12:15:02 1989

FE, that was the silliest jab I have ever heard.  Come on...."Obviously you
have never studied Hebrew...."   haha  that was outrageous enough of a
statement, but then saying "Don't go making blanket denials of what the Bibles
does or Doesn't say until you have actually studied it" goes way too far.  You
may have studied it.  You may even be able to translate Hebrew on occassions. 
That is not the issue.  You feel that since you have the bible sitting by your
computer and can quote from it that you are an authority.  Did God grant you
this wisdom or is it self proclaimed?  I suggest you read Matthew 7:1-5 before
you judge other's beliefs as right or wrong.  Next time instead of copying
straight from the text, interpret for yourself what those words mean to you. 
The Wisdom is not in the words, but rather how one interprets those words for
themself.


Name: Gryphon #21
Date: Wed Apr 05 13:57:13 1989

When we last left Gwif, he had just frozen the dinosaurs to death. 
In his omniscience, he knew what should be made. He then created animals,
but after awhile, watching them stalk, eat, sleep, and procreate got damn
boring. So he created a new bipedal being, with a brain capacity far larger
than those of the other animals, yet with an incredible lack of wisdom--
perfect people to worship him and pay homage. And thus, Gwif created Man.

                       >All Hail Gwif<.
His first creations were his, well, first. Not his best, 
for he didn't put a large effort into their creation, but they were 
respectable attempts. After all, his previously created lifeforms (found 
on a pair of planets just to the left of Orion's Belt) looked remarkably 
like amphibious felines--and humanity was quite a difference. He created
woman first, contrary to popular chauvinistic belief. 
It was easy, really--in his infinite wisdom, Gwif realized that no ordinary
sack of flesh would do. So he took a bit of sugar and a tad of spice, and 
dashed them together with a few other things that were nice. Gwif looked upon 
this act of beauty, and as a tear formed in his interstellar eye, called her 
"Muffy." Thus, Gwif created the First Woman. >All Hail Gwif.<

Man was next, and easier. As he looked at woman, Gwif realized that there were 
a few design flaws. The skin sagged in a coupla places, and there was a bit 
too much roundness and softness. Plus, in a bout of omniscience, Gwif realized 
there had to be some way of procreation to further the species. He also 
realized that not doing this might not be such a bad idea, but he did anyway. 
He looked about his workshop, but found most of the materials missing. So he 
took what was left--a few snips and snails, even puppy dog tails--and threw 
them in a pot, along with something that, when asked about, Gwif only 
chuckled, murmuring something about "stems and apples". Gwif looked down at 
his creation of masculinity and lean flash and called him 
"Biff." However, it seemed that he had put a bit too much muscle in the
brain, for Biff seemed rather..well, dense. No matter,for Muffy was there
to keep him out of trouble, even though she continually complained about
not having anything to wear.
Then, too, there was Biff's tendency to ask for yogurt and yell about the 
"boys at the polo club", but Gwif merely shook his head at the naivete of Biff 
and Muffy--these things didn't exist yet, after all. 

Also contrary to common belief, the Allmighty Gwif did not merely create two 
humans. That would be ludicrous, and would force incest to continue the 
species.
And since thou shalt not suffer an incestuous heathen to live, Gwif created a 
nice little community of humanity, about 20-30 men and women, and called it
"Paris." And thus, Gwif was responsible for a city 10 years ahead of its time
in regard to the fashion community. 
                        >All Hail Gwif.<

And seeing that he had provided his people with a place to live, he created
on the rest of the Earth a huge garden, with fig trees, apple trees, and many
pomegranate trees, and they were given a few primitive weapons to needlessly
slaughter a few of the animal races Gwif had created too many of. With food, 
shelter, and companionship, they appeared content. Thus, divinely exhausted,
Gwif laid himself down to rest for a few millenia. 
ŠHowever, unbeknownst to Gwif, while he laid himself down to rest for a few 
millenia, the darker side of his persona exuded its influence over Earth. 
After all, everything is Balanced and even an omnipotent deity can escape 
that--that's why he's omnipotent, after all. And so, as he unconsciously 
observed the Earth, the vices of godhood--avarice, envy, spite, etc., 

Before he knew it (in fact, he wouldn't know it for a few odd thousand years), 
the city of Paris had become a dirty, stinking, vile place, with alleyways 
where prostitution was practiced, backstreets with drug deals happening at 
regular intervals, and people beginning to speak in lewd accents. This had 
spread to nearby communities, although not with the same intensity. For while 
he had slept, the race of Man had grown and spread. Some had gone east, and 
settled in lands where yeast grew and ale was fermented often. Some had gone 
further east to the mountains and developed thick voices and ugly wives. Some 
traveled North Over the Sea and settled on a group of islands. (One might note 
that these people remained rather barbaric and were conquered anywhere from 
5-6 times by many different groups until Gwif fell in love with their cute 
accents and raised them to the status of a global power. >All Hail Gwif.<) 
Some went west and founded chili factories and grew peppers under the sun. And 
some traveled south and east, but they were persecuted by the people there who 
declared them, minions of Gwif, as pagan skum who were sent by Looseefir. And 
so they ignored them and instead settled west, in the desert and jungles and 
Other Phun Areas.

But, as stated before, the Bad Influence had affected all, and each of these 
groups began quarreling amongst itselves, and divisions grew until separate 
nations were formed and many wars between countries wre fought in a bid for 
power. 

And one man, named Phil, saw this, and climbed a mountain to call upon Gwif. 
And Gwif heard him, and awakened to see what had been wrought. He cried for 
his people and the plight that he had wrought upon them, and it rained for 6 
days and 6 afternoons, and during the nights the people had a small reprieve. 
For during the nights, Gwif thought of ways to deliver his people from their 
self-brought ruin (for it was only his influence, but they who had "sinned"), 
and in his infinite wisdom he thought of many ways to do so, until he settled 
upon the one "true" way to deliver his people from their evil skumminess and 
utter revoltedness. However, it was a drastic thought and so he decided to 
send a few trials and tribulations upon Phil, who seemed the most sensible 
sort, to determine the fate of the human race. 

And so, Gwif began the Trials of Phil to better the human race.
                        >All Hail Gwif.<


Name: Utwo #109
Date: Wed Apr 05 18:00:29 1989

who said we we're going to do anything with the New Testament.  I mean that 
never mind
 

Name: Snappy #98
Date: Wed Apr 05 23:52:09 1989

QWIF: you left out a very important part of the story.  Before the creation of
Muffy, Gwif made the talking horse.  But unfortunately, the talking horses 
(except for a few of the very special chosen ones  (said that for political 
reasons  heh))  really pissed Gwif off because of their constant crapping all 
over Gwif's creation.  Gwif sent down angels and arc angels and arc sines  and
mangled the throat of the horses.  Today the sight of the throat of one of 
these special horses can cause instant insanity.  That is why you should never
look a Gwif Horse in the mouth!


Name: Doomer #20
Date: Thu Apr 06 00:44:28 1989

Snappy: If you're going to be a heretic please do it in a less disgustingly 
unphunny way! PLEASE!!! :)

Gwif: I -DEMAND- a copy of all this! I love it.

Anyone have any Ghost Stories? (Sorry, it had to be said, no matter how corny, 
tacky, cliche'ic (haHA! New word!!) it is.)


Name: Ironman #120
Date: Thu Apr 06 02:16:36 1989

Well, Snappy, although FE doesn't need anyone to defend her, the scripture
verses you quoted were close to the mark, but missed.  Matthew 7: 1-5  speaks
of "hypocrites".  Don't think that actually applies to FE, do you ?

    Perhaps you meant to give Fire Escape the advice given in just the very 
next verse ( Matthew 7:6 )

    " Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. 
      If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and
      tear you to pieces . "

Now, you guys haven't been feeling a little bit, uh......PIGGISH lately, have 
you ?

As I said earlier to JK, thanks for posting some factual information and 
questions !

Take a $5 from the cash drawer .


Name: Gryphon #21
Date: Thu Apr 06 06:39:25 1989

Ironman: I *have* been posting factual information...

Doom: Don't worry...I've got a copy of it. Oh, and one line got cut off that I 
didn't notice. It went something like this  "and so Gwif awakened to find that 
evil bad skumminess had infested the land all around, and he was sickened." 

                          ^^there's that word again..];^>


Name: Snappy #98
Date: Thu Apr 06 10:57:53 1989

Nope I am sure I was definately meaning Matthew 7:1-5.  Perhaps you thought
7:6 was more valid because you couldn't see with that plank in your eye.


Name: Fire Escape #65
Date: Fri Apr 07 16:20:49 1989

Thanx Ironman, That Part about pearls sounds familiar..  ..Wonder where you
heard that from <grin>.

  We are called to be wise concerning the Word of God and be discerning in 
it's application.  The Bible isn't just a dusty book on my shelf, but is an 
integral part of my heart. You can throw verses around left and right, but 
unless you know right from wrong and shed the Light of the Spirit upon it in 
word and deed, what good is it?  Ephesians 5:8-17 ecourages us to take the 
most of every opportunity in the knowledge of the Word and shed the light of 
truth upon each circumstance.  You can call that "judging" if you want, but 
that's not what it is.  One can call a spade a spade without passing sentence 
on the spade. As Jesus said, the Spade has condemned itself already (John 
3:18).

   Are you a LIGHT? Or are you hiding under a basket? (Matthew 5:14-16)

                     Fire Escape

Name: Jk #18
Date: Fri Apr 07 17:17:27 1989

Oh, so the Jews have a RIGHT to commit genocide, because if they didn't 
slaughter every Caananite, including women and children, God would have been 
pissed at THEM.  
     Then I guess God created Hitler, because he felt bad about the whole 
deal...the 'ol "eye for an eye" again.


Name: Gryphon #21
Date: Fri Apr 07 20:17:07 1989

Sure, it's okay to wipe out every last man, woman, and child, because god said 
so...
   Must be nice. I'm so glad he took the liberty to go kill the babies being 
weaned...and the pregnant women...and the poor children...


Name: Gauntlet #10
Date: Fri Apr 07 20:57:09 1989

so I actually used sarcasm that didn't start the same... amazing, eh?
 

Name: Ironman #120
Date: Sat Apr 08 01:28:15 1989

As per " An eye for an eye ":  I'm probably repeating myself, but the
admonishment of " an eye for an eye " was given to people who , at the time,
had the attitude of " an eye, leg, two arms, a nose, and an ear for an eye."

   
Name: Jk #18
Date: Sat Apr 08 02:01:50 1989

So you're saying God was trying to "tame" these people by cutting back their 
lust for revenge?  Great...not only is THAT an abridgement of free will, but 
it also says something about the power of God; he's omnipotent, so why not 
eradicate the lust for vengeance alltogether?

Contradiction after contradiction...


Name: Snappy #98
Date: Sat Apr 08 16:14:40 1989

But I see a contradiction:  The bible also says "Turn the other cheek" 
therefore it contradicts itself.  How can we know what to follow and what not
to follow in this book of contradictions?


Name: Utwo #109
Date: Sat Apr 08 18:24:42 1989

Snappy, That is kinda out of context since we are talking mostly about the Old
Testament so we argue how they even got to the New Testament.  Make 
sense..hehe.
 

Name: Doomer #20
Date: Sat Apr 08 20:16:32 1989

Snappy, The "Turn the other cheek" thing was a 'correction' in the Law by
Jesus.  He said that, I believe.  

Question: How exactly did God tell the Jews to slaughter all those innocents?


Name: Utwo #109
Date: Sat Apr 08 21:13:15 1989

Easy, He picked one of those chosen guys that was either a descendant ok Moses
or Aaron and told him what he wanted His people to do to regain their faith.
 
Oh well, I'm going to go see what's on the other boards.  I got knocked off 
right about here.  Stupid call waiting and no body better say anything about 
well you know can turn off temporarily by dialing 1170.  The stupid company
doesn't have that service for the area I'm in.  Don't ask me why.